Where would you be without me?

Gollum: “Where would you be without me? I saved us. It was me—we survived because of me.”

Sméagol: “Not anymore….”

Gollum: “What did you say?”

Sméagol: “Master looks after us now. We don’t need you.”

- The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (Jackson, 2002)

I have been reading The Lord Of The Rings series over the last few months and it has been a wonderful experience. One of the things I love most about reading fiction is when the author weaves in fundamental truths about the human experience and the journey towards wholeness or integration. The dialogue above is actually from the film adaptation of The Lord Of The Rings, “The Two Towers”, and does not occur in the book. However, it speaks to the dynamic that exists within the character, Gollum/Sméagol, and to the more personal dynamic that can often exist within ourselves.

Our Inner Child is made of up of three parts: our Core Child, Wounded Child, and Wounded Self. Each of these parts exhibits particular feelings, needs, and behaviors, and the expression of these are significantly influenced by our life histories—the experiences we had when we were young, the family system and culture that we learned to adapt to, the belief systems we developed, and the strategies we used in order to meet our core needs. If our needs for love, safety, and wellbeing were unmet, our Wounded Self sought out replacements for these needs in whatever way they could. Our Wounded Self may have helped us to survive, like Gollum does for Sméagol. And yet there comes a time when operating out of the belief systems and behaviors of our Wounded Self no longer serve us; they do more harm than good.

A way that we can change these dynamics within ourselves and help our Wounded Self let go of their need for control is by becoming a Loving Parent to our Inner Child. Only when our Wounded Child feels safe and loved by us will our Wounded Self feel less responsible for them. Additionally, we’ll find that our Wounded Self, while attached to their role as “caretaker”, is actually ready to let go of that responsibility and has been waiting for us to arrive. In The Lord Of The Rings, Frodo becomes a “Master” (i.e. Loving Parent) to Sméagol, treating him with compassion and respect. It is the first time since Gollum manifested that Sméagol felt any kind of love, and in that love he formed an attachment to Frodo, thus diminishing his reliance upon Gollum. Over time, as we learn to become a Loving Parent to our Inner Child we too can experience this same transformation.

Tolkien, J. R. R. (1993). The lord of the rings: The two towers. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.