Bound

“But this creature is in some way bound up with my errand. Until you found us he was my guide.”

- The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (Tolkien, 1993, p. 295)

I wanted to continue using the story of The Lord Of The Rings to speak about a dynamic we can experience when living with our Wounded Self. The quote above is said by Frodo to Faramir, and he is speaking about Gollum, who by Frodo’s request is leading Frodo and Sam to Mordor where Frodo plans to destroy the Ring. There are a few ways in which we can interpret the quote as it relates to our experience with our Wounded Self. The first is of feeling bound to them. Despite the pain and suffering of being led by our Wounded Self we can feel helpless to change such patterns of behavior. We become attached to our Wounded Self strategies, just as Gollum is attached to the Ring, and no matter how self-destructive the attachment is, what our strategies promise us overpower our ability to say “no” to acting on them.

While we may involuntarily allow our Wounded Self to guide our behavior, we can also choose to allow our Wounded Self to guide us towards healing. Every opportunity in which we feel craving for instance is an indication that our Inner Child needs us. Perhaps we have neglected them or are triggered by some circumstance, and our go-to reaction is to numb or zone out. If we can notice our Wounded Self’s desire before acting on it then we can make the choice to turn to them in their fear and seek to understand their experience. This is undoubtedly one of the most difficult practices, and one that I continue to struggle with daily. When I am in the groove of self-care I am better able to notice my compulsion to act from a Wounded Self strategy and take certain steps (e.g. prayer, mindful breathing) to help me choose differently. Yet when I am feeling stressed by the circumstances of my life I am prone to let my Wounded Self guide my behavior, and the results are often painful. The gift of recovery however, is that as long I choose to return to the path of self-love I am given another opportunity to try again.

What is our errand but to learn how to love all parts of ourselves? When we can see that our Wounded Self is not just something we are bound to, but a guide for discovering what remains unhealed, then our relationship with them can take on new meaning.

Tolkien, J. R. R. (1993). The lord of the rings: The two towers. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.