Stability
A few years ago I took a short retreat at St. Benedict’s Monastery in Snowmass, Colorado. Something that stuck out for me during that experience was when I had a conversation with one of the monks that was living there. I asked what inspired him to become a monk, and he shared that one of the things that was attractive was this sense of stability—that he would live the duration of his life in this one place, this one landscape, and with a very particular daily routine. That sort of structure and predictability is what I imagine created the feeling of stability for him.
Stability is an important principle for when we’re learning to become a Loving Parent to our Inner Child because our Inner Child, like any child, needs a sense of stability to feel safe. We create stability through the ways in which are consistent with our routines—those that support intimacy and connection with our Inner Child, as well as intimacy and connection with God. I think there is a natural tendency for many of us to create routine, especially when the external circumstances of our lives feel a bit groundless. And yet, finding the rhythm of routine can be difficult. Routine is a conscious process, while habit is unconscious. The habit of checking our email, turning on the news, or staying up later than we intended so often happens without our awareness. And these unconscious habits can disconnect us from our Inner Child and God. On the contrary, routines are actions we choose that support us emotionally, psychologically, physically, or spiritually. They come to us through our exploration and learning, of trying on different activities and experiencing the results.
It has taken me well over a decade to create routines in my life that support connection to my Inner Child and God. At times such routines were sparked by intuition or curiosity, and at other times times they came from the suggestions of others. For instance, early on in my recovery I was given the suggestions of using prayer and meditation to deepen my relationship with God. Surprisingly I felt little resistance to trying these on, and in hindsight believe that it was God who cleared the way for my receptivity. I needed change in my life, and this need was apparent to even my Wounded Self, who if only for that brief moment in time accepted the fruitlessness of their strategies. I allowed myself to experience the effects of prayer and meditation and it felt loving, and that was enough evidence to motivate my efforts and create routine.
Sometimes there are practices that do not come easily for me, or those that I try on and choose not to keep. Yet when I allow routine to take root in my daily life it becomes a flower that sustains itself. Resistance or forgetfulness can still arise, but there is a movement that operates on its own accord. I am carried by it.
