Relationship

Last night I dreamt that I went to a Seer for guidance. She held out a set of oracle cards before me and asked me to think of a question I would like answered. In my mind I asked, “Will it be over?”, referring to my ongoing struggle of learning how to honor my Inner Child’s needs. Before I could be more specific with my question she pulled out a card, turned it over, and revealed a picture of two people in connection with one another. She said, “Relationship”, and what she was referring to was my relationship with my partner.

When I woke up from the dream I realized more profoundly that it is in relationship with others where I am given the opportunity to learn how to love myself. While there is plenty of self-reflection and processing I can do alone, it is in relationship where I am shown most abruptly what I have left unchecked. The more intimate the relationship, the more likely it is to activate my core wounds and give rise to emotional reactions. If I am feeling neglected by my partner, for instance, I might feel resentment and speak to her un-lovingly. While the argument that my Wounded Self creates is alluring and may convince me that my reaction is justified, if I look beneath the surface of my reaction I can see deeper pain. An instance of feeling neglected by my partner can provoke an instance of having felt neglected by my parents. If I am courageous, I can allow the moment of my reactivity to be an opportunity for healing—to not only touch the wounds of my Inner Child with love, but to express to my partner what has arisen in me and share with her my vulnerability.

My Inner Child is often more a part of my reactions than I realize, and my reactivity, while at times connected to a past hurt, is also usually the result of having neglected my Inner Child. Relationship with others helps us to see more quickly how we are loving ourselves. It is therefore perhaps our greatest teacher. When we truly desire to love those whom we love, it asks us to love ourselves ever more deeply.