Relationship

Last night I dreamt that I went to a seer for guidance. She held out a set of oracle cards before me and asked me to think of a question I would like answered. In my mind I asked, “Will it be over?”, referring to my ongoing struggle of learning to honor my Inner Child’s needs. Before I could be more specific with my question she pulled out a card, turned it over, and revealed a picture of two people in connection with one another. She said, “Relationship”, and what she was referring to was my relationship with my partner.

When I woke up from the dream I realized more profoundly that it is in relationship with others where I am given the opportunity to learn how to love myself. While there is plenty of self-reflection and processing I can do alone, it is in relationship where I am shown most abruptly what I have left unchecked. The more intimate the relationship, the more likely it is to activate my core wounds and give rise to emotional reactions. For example, if I am feeling neglected by my partner, I may become resentful and speak to her unkindly. But if I look beneath the surface of my reaction I can see a deeper pain—a memory of feeling neglected by my parents. I can therefore allow the moment of my reactivity to be an opportunity for healing and connection, to touch the wounds of my Inner Child with love and to express to my partner what had arisen in me.

My Inner Child is often more a part of my reactions than I realize, and my reactions are almost always connected to relationship, whether it is relationship to myself or with others. I find that the degree to which can I love myself is the degree to which I can love my partner. Relationship is therefore perhaps our greatest teacher, for when we truly desire to love those whom we love, it asks us to love ourselves ever more deeply.