Boundaries
“How to awaken? Stop doing the things that keep you asleep.”
When we gain awareness of how our habits and behaviors affect our Inner Child we can no longer act in ignorance or denial. We feel their pain when we abandon them through our addictions or distractions, and at a certain point we realize unless we make changes in how we live, we will continue to struggle and live life half-asleep. Yet making these changes is much easier said than done. The nature of recovery is truly mysterious, for despite having a sincere desire for change we may still find ourselves engaging in behaviors that keep us stuck. Breaking free of habits happens when we have made time to really feel how our behaviors impact our Inner Child; it happens when we make space for our Wounded Self to tell us how scared and overwhelmed they feel; and it happens when we become a little more willing to trust in God’s care for us.
Forty days ago I made the decision to live differently. I was hitting bottom with certain Wounded Self behaviors, impulsively using the internet, constantly checking my email, compulsively listening to podcasts and watching movies, and I experienced how such behaviors kept me asleep. The weeks went by without my awareness. I found it more difficult to be present with my experience, with nature, and with my partner. And so I had the idea to begin a 40-day journey to consciously create boundaries around these behaviors. The number of days was symbolic of Jesus’s 40 days in the desert and the Jewish People’s 40 years journey into the Promised Land. I had wanted to make all the lifestyle changes I desired on day one and to keep that going indefinitely. I quickly experienced (painfully at first, and now, on day 40, with humor and endearment) that making any lifestyle changes so abruptly is not human. But it is possible with some humility and patience. In this last week I have been able to make more conscious choices in how I live and it has made so much of a difference in the quality of my life.
The truth is that it is much easier to practice abstinence than moderation. There are some behaviors we can choose to abstain from and there are others we can learn to consciously engage in. I have not stopped using the internet, checking my email, listening to podcasts, or watching movies, but have learned to set limits on when I engage in such activities and for how long. And most importantly, I have learned to ask what my intention is for using them. If it is to distract, I know it is not loving, but if it is for play or enjoyment, then it is a pleasure I may permit.
Practicing boundaries in this way is not an act of harsh discipline, but of self-love. It brings to light the consequence of our choices, while also recognizing our humanness. We are here to experience the pleasures of life, and we can learn to do so from wakefulness rather than sleep.
