“Is this loving right now?”
Becoming a Loving Parent to my Inner Child depends upon my ability to make loving choices for myself. It’s so easy for me to get sidetracked when the circumstances of my life, or in the world, feel chaotic, uncertain, or frightening. I was feeling all these emotions in response to the events that took place on January 6th. And in reaction to them, my Wounded Self was searching for some semblance of security, yet not within me, or in God, but in the world—in the very place from which such security was uncertain. There I was, reading the news for the information that would set me at ease… and yet I never found it. The few days of acting on this obsession only led to more disconnection and insecurity. I was reminded again that my “okay-ness” cannot come from outside of me, but inside.
These events really challenged my ability to stay connected with myself, and in my journey back to connectedness I thought of a particular question that would help me: “Is this loving right now?”. When I ask myself this, whether it is before I choose to act on an urge (such as reading the news), or in the midst of acting on it, it helps me get in touch with my truth. When I see myself walking to my computer, knowing that my intention is to read the news, I can ask myself, “Is this loving right now?”, and then give myself a little space for discernment.
If I can honestly say that what I’m wanting to do is not loving (at least for right now), then I know I need to take steps to do what is most loving, and that often means connecting with my Inner Child, or Wounded Self (whichever is most activated in the moment). In the scenario described, it was my Wounded Self that felt panicked and who was looking to the news to feel more secure, and so my first loving step is to turn to my Wounded Self. I do this by turning my attention toward them in my body (to whatever extent I am able), asking them about their fears—about what’s feeling scary for them—and listening. If my intention is to learn about their experience, and hold them compassionately in it, then that will often meet their need for connection (and security). And when I do this, my Wounded Self’s panic and need for control subsides. I no longer feel the same urgency to act as I had planned to. I can let go of the need to turn on the news, for now.
Asking myself the question, “Is this loving right now?”, helps me to discern what I need right now. It is not a judgement of the behavior or activity itself. Reading the news is not inherently unloving (nor are most behaviors). It all comes down to whether now is the time to do it. Will it meet my true need of the moment? Can it wait until later? With practice and patience (and much self-acceptance) such discernment gets easier.
